Getting Serious

So, no post recently because things have been in turmoil at work and a whirlwind of activity outside of work. Finally had to take last week off to try and recover and get some much needed sleep. So far, so good. At work, a lot of emotional ups and downs last week. Things came to a head on Friday and I fianlly came to the decision to say “fuck it” to all the emotional stress, the depression and the BS going on there. My determination now is to go to work, do my job, go home. Let everyone else have their little political games… I’m out. I still want to help MY boss get on his feet and get back to where he needs to be but if he doesn’t meet me halfway, then I end that part of our relationship. He’s been a good boss and has become a friend, but I can’t put that kind of emotional investment into that place anymore. I hope he lets me help him.

Once I came to this conclusion, it was like a weight getting lifted and I felt better than I have in a very long time. I found a new energy. It was as if I went manic with a snap of the fingers. I needed to get rid of some of the energy last night but some family issues stopped me. This morning, though, I woke with a new purpose. I got some much needed things done and then rested a bit. I went and picked up a sportscoat at the mall this evening and then finished some much needed cleaning.

With the cleaning done, I finally got serious about practicing my lifestyle techniques. Sorry, Chef, but I’ve only half-hearted practiced. The drepression was most likely the culprit because I worked about 30-45 mins this evening nonstop… Working with just the rope floggers the Chef let me borrow showed me how much I needed to be practicing full on since he started mentoring me. Part of me feels ashamed for not doing more to payback his kindness in helping me and the other half tells that half to shove off and make the best of the time I have left before dani’s arrival. I have to maintain my new mindset in life. Always forward, don’t look back.

So, what did I learn? Biggest thing, my leather flogger is a hell of a lot heavier than those rope floggers.. lol I have good accuracy on the rope floggers and getting there on the leather one, but I need to use it more to build up arm strength. I also need to use my off-hand more to get accuracy up with it. The rubber flogger is a bit hard to control but once you get it into a rhythm, it’s not that bad. My hemp-rope flogger/cat/whatever you call it it VERY unstable if you use the handle. I find if you hold it up higher, then it becomes more manageable and more of a viable toy. The crop I can handle well; it’s basically a large drumstick. I just have to make sure I strike with an even intensity. Occasionally I tend to start striking harder, but with consentration, that’s controlable. Tried my dragontail as well but need more work with it. When I swing one way it is at a different level than when I swing the other way.

The other thing I learned is I am out of shape. If I am going to keep doing these things, I have to lose weight and build some muscle. The short period of time I worked tonight has made me a little sore. The weight’s not going to come off before dani gets here, but I need to start working on it now. More practice will help and starting to walk around the neighborhood will as well. After that, we’ll see what can be done.

Moving forward; no looking back.